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Diary of A Paranoid
1st entry:
I am in the same place I have been in for the past 16 years
not physically but mentally, projecting all my fears
My consciousness is conscious, of itself, in a circle
not fitting into squares, my thoughts are turning purple
because I try to think outside the box, while also fitting in
but it seems there’s no more room for me, I’d rather sink than swim
sinking in the purple, of the haze of my desires
I dare not leave this circle that’s imploding under the mire
the mire of my life that oozes carefully betrays
my mind that is inevitably ever further inside the maze
the maze of a labrat, with careful observant eyes
watching me, judging me, keeping me, trapping me
under paranoia skies
the spiders in my eyelids are moving much more quickly
my mouth is sewing shut, and I’m beginning to look sickly
my legs are sinking slowly through the sidewalk, through the cracks
I cannot fight the sidewalk, I am breaking mother’s backs
I wake up cold and sweaty in the dirty bed of liars
the circles of my eyelids are becoming ever finer
the method of my fantasies, the motions of my hours,
are the same unto this day, I’m every growing sour
This sourness has puckered life’s lips from giving me affection
or has this isolation been for my protection?
A labrat has companions in his never ending maze,
I alone am left to sit in a nihilistic phase
The phases of the moon have shone through the tears of man,
the petals of the flowers have been constructed in a plan
a plan that I’m not part of
a scene I dare not intrude
because circles and squares
do not make pairs
when loving is deemed rude.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,
pay no attention to the man behind bars
pay no attention to your mind behind curtains
everything you thought was is ours.
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All the air is closer now
presses against my face
all this has come to pass
finally found my place.
recurring dreams are slowing down
tinted shades of white
the branches with no leaves
vanish out my sight.
you are, becoming
something, I cannot relate to
you will be gone before
I open my eyes to
all
the lights from our eyes
will burn into timeless anythings
the curtain has closed forever
I’ve brought all that I could bring.
Wisps of smoke
from lips, curling in evergreen
dried and dead
they were gone before they spread their seed
you are, becoming
something, I cannot relate to
you will be gone before
I open my eyes to
all
the skys have opened up
blinding shades of monochrome
the sound is far away
a sleeping, silky human tone.
The breath grows numb
the sight begins to penetrate
the stars have gone out
the one who was too late.
you have, become,
something, I cannot relate to
you have all gone I try
to open my eyes to
Fall
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